Ceasing Self Sabotage

But yesterday’s neglect produced today’s confusion.

I can still feel the frustration filling my body. It created a warmth all around while an imploding pressure consumed my head. Unwillingly, I would cater to the demands of those above once again. I shrank because it was easier. It was more comfortable. Dropping the fight was convenient.

But yesterday’s neglect produced today’s confusion. Who am I? What do I want? Where do I want to go? I forfeited learning about myself at the leisure of others and now I was the one paying for it. 

“Moving forward, don’t you participate in your neglect.” The helpful advice rang through my thoughts. We all experience neglect at some point in life. In relationships, they can make us feel emotionally, physically, or mentally neglected. But when you start neglecting yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally, it creates a cycle of self-sabotage. 

When I subconsciously decided to be a people pleaser, I was neglecting myself. My needs, wants, and desires got pushed to the side to please others. When I made decisions under the pressure of what others wanted, I was neglecting myself. When I stayed in a toxic relationship because I kept hoping the validation would return, I was neglecting myself.

If you can relate to any of this, please listen to me: in this season, choose you! Of course, also choose God first and foremost, but you matter. The seasons of neglect have ended. A new day arises. From my lessons learned, here’s how you can begin to show up for yourself:

Love yourself: stop being over-critical. Appreciate the perspective you have on life. Acknowledge the gifts and talents you have.

Celebrate yourself: small wins, big wins, or the simple fact you didn’t react like the old days…these all count as wins! Realize that you have strengths, and they make you amazing. 

Go for it: learn from living life. Mistakes will be inevitable, but they are meant to make you wiser.  Unsure if God said go? Act on what you think He said, and come back to see if it was right. He’s navigated detours before, and nothing is too complicated for Him.

Live life: be patient with yourself. The journey is a process that needs you to be a part of it. No matter how long you sit on the bench, your path will still be there. You might as well see where it takes you. 

Trust what God says about you: He says you are precious in His sight, you are loved, you are chosen, and so much more. Start to choose yourself, especially over people who are only looking out for their self-preservation and self-interest.

You learn from life by moving through it, not avoiding it. The same is true for ourselves. If you’ve spent your life neglecting yourself, you will only learn who you are by making decisions, taking action, and making choices that only you could make. We are no longer participating in our neglect. Because that is the validation you were seeking all along. 

Weekly Scripture

 “To acquire wisdom is to love yourself; people who cherish understanding will prosper.”

Psalm 19:8

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